Disciple James log: I want to be evil, not humane, Jesian, adhering to Jesianity. I do!

I don't wanna be humane. I don't! I don't wanna be moral. I don't! Adhering to Jesus' Jesianity, I don't!!!

My head wants to run and I want to let it. My flesh wants to run and do whatever it wants and I want to let it! 

But I don't, at least I'm trying to learn not to, because in my saner moments which are frequent I know that I don't like the way they feel! They feel inferior to the way it feels when I am in the possession of my morality, in the possession of my humanity.

And another reason that I don't want to be moral is because I've been highly trained all of my 70 plus years to be immoral! I've been trained to let my head run and be certain it is virtue! I've been trained to let my flesh run and think it virtue! Just think it natural, to think it normal, to think it healthy, to think it unavoidable! 

Had I been trained from the beginning to understand the superior joy and reduced suffering and increased hopefulness for others of my humanity having reign all the time, and had I been trained in the techniques of the man Jesus and his example, the personification of humanity within us in the form of the creator that he imagined, And expressed quite clearly, and himself... had I been trained in that had I been raised in that then this struggle I have which I'm not complaining about, I'm just acknowledging, would have been much less pronounced, if there at all!  https://photos.app.goo.gl/2oy58q6NacJySJUg8