Disciple James log: Today I spat on creator, Jesus. Would like not to do that again.


Just hit me like a megaton gift card yesterday and today. It may take me a lifetime to unpack it. 

As you do unto to the least of these you do unto me. 

This instruction has had major usefulness to me for several decades. Understanding that to jesus, to creator, every creature is part of them, is a family member. 

But I didn't realize the half of it, and I'm so glad I'm getting a glimmer now. 

Everything I thought I'd learned about cycling is gone. The last two days this exhausted body has not had a clue. I'm the problem, the body isn't. 

So when yesterday I pulled into the steep ramp of a Walmart for the night exhausted, the typical gawkers in towns and around parking lots that by gawking force me to stop on a steep ramp, well, I just lost it inside, and I'm sure it showed on my face. 

James, that is creators child, that is jesus's child, they're watching your behavior toward their child in horror. And in pain. 

Never before have I understood it like that, always going forward I probably will. Thank goodness. 

The fact that it is exactly such interactions, most likely to be frustrating, most likely to provoke internal disrespect, are exactly the ones that jesus, that creator, would be watching for me. This is wonderful to realize. Very empowering.

Who knew? I was not sent here for the easy stuff. I was not sent here for the comfortable stuff. I was sent here to fill in the gap, and to learn to do so as best I can. Wow. I didn't get it. Now maybe I do.

My opportunity for joyful life has just increased.

And with that in mind there have been several instances since where I didn't manage myself any better, but I caught myself, and I think I'm going to learn. 

When I'm frustrated with anything, another person's behavior, my own behavior, a situation, a breakdown, a glitch... I'm frustrated with creators creation. Because everything is as creator has made it so far. Everything is as Jesus has made it so far. 

Do I want to be attacking, abusing, dissatisfied with, frustrated with, pissing all over, their creation? I don't! But I do it. And now that I see it I'd like to stop. 

Am I to delight in everything the way it is? Does creator? No! Creator takes things where they are, as they are, sends the rain, sends the sun, and is constantly trying to nurture things to be better and more healthy. And I am to do the same. 

But does Creator abuse things the way they are? No. And I am to be a co-creator, and I am not to abuse things as they are, I am to nurture, and to help to grow. 

I'm really really glad with this lesson. I'm curious to see how well I can implement it. And I'm looking forward to it, because life will be more interesting, more joyful as a better co-creator. 

And the most frustrating people may be exactly the population that I most likely could help if I understood it that way. The outcasts. The damaged. The kicked in the teeth.

In this video you'll see my new friend, my new wheeze. Pretty annoying, huh? I have lifelong ticks and habits, self-soothing, self-stimulating soothing types of things. We autistics do those things. And this one I don't know when it cropped up or why, but it sure is evident on this video. It does not seem to have been creating problems physically for me, but I certainly will look forward to trying to lose it. 

Functionally I think it is a internal oxygen compression sort of thing that may even be beneficial, but I don't know that, it's probably unnecessary, and I expect to be attempting to lose it. It'll be interesting to see how successful I am at that.