Disciple James log: Only secondarily do I love my relationship with jesus, with creator, for me.

If Creator offered me a deal, James, I will help millions of people find Jesus' way, reducing their suffering, increasing their joy, but the price is you will lose all knowledge of me. All of it. You'll never have it again. And you'll exist for a long time. And it will be hell for you. I'd take that deal in a heartbeat. 

I don't want my relationship with Jesus, with creator, for me primarily, but rather me secondarily. I want it because I know it can help others. 

This emphasis is everything for me. If I lose that emphasis, I lose creator, I lose Jesus. 

And more importantly I lose any possibility of helping another soul. 

And I think it was the same for jesus. I'm sure of it.