Disciple James log: Jesus too sweat blood when facing torturous death. Even with the helpful angel.


James too is sweating blood in agony. And he doesn't have an angel helping, doesn't know how to summon one. Does he have any complaints? No. 

Would he like to figure out how to face existential death more gracefully, less painfully, more joyfully? Oh, you bet. Which is why he's trying to process the situation in part with this post.

Is James really facing existential threat? Was Jesus? 

  • Three or four times now in the last month store managers three or four times at walmart, once at lowe's, came out expecting to evict the vehicle, reconsidered it, except last night when they even called the police tho they gracefully allowed us to stay last night. 
  • This is slave country. The relative elites are expert at so frightening people that they remain docile. Experts at empire. And of course their church leaders are carefully selected to use Christianity that way. 
  • And it shows. People are so fearful of anything different unlike any place else in the country. They're just plain fearful.
  • And the power structure of empire worldwide and in the United States is feeling threatened and they get really nasty when they feel threatened. 
  • And if they will break ribs, throw to the ground, terrorize, the best young people among us, and their elite University professors, the best souls, standing up for an entirely different group across the ocean, if they'll do that to them, they'll squash me in a heartbeat. 
  • We are near atlanta, the Atlanta police force is most certainly trained in Israel to hate anything to do with the palestinians. To want to kill anyone to do with the palestinians. 
  • Atlanta is where the extreme confrontations and police state violence have occurred to push the idea of cop City I think it's called. A massive training facility for the police to oppress those that the rulers want oppressed. 
  • James and soul have always been extremely vulnerable, and now it's on steroids. If as last night late in the evening we get evicted or even mid-afternoon we get evicted from a Walmart which is appearing quite likely now, there's no backup plan. We're too tired, there's too much traffic late in the day, it's too dangerous. We're going to wind up in police custody and that's not going to end well. 
  • The roads in this part of the country they just don't have shoulders. Hardly ever, not 10% of the time. 
  • Oh, and empire is so evil now, so threatened with crumbling that they've slaughtered tens of thousands of Palestinians most of them children. Again, they'll squash me without thought, except for the fun of it. 
James is sweating blood. Not only that, but he's sweating blood. His capacities are just way overwhelmed right now. Not entirely overwhelmed. He's functional, he has moments of peace. 

Does he regret this? He regrets the world situation. Does he regret it's happening to him? No. It needs to be. How can he provide any leadership, any help, to anyone that is suffering the brunt of this infinitely more than james, unless he too is experiencing it? 

But it's hell. He sure could use an angel to help him. Or some disciples. Jesus knew he needed disciples. They went to sleep instead. And then they denied him. Point being he knew they would help. He knew he needed them.

Is James at a complete and total loss? No.
  • It helps to reflect on jesus, the fact that he too sweat blood. 
  • Fear not that which can destroy the body but not the soul, is helpful. 
  • That on the cross Jesus said to one of the other two crucified with him, today you'll be with me in paradise, is of interest to james. No, he doesn't believe in paradise, but he does believe in properly using the mind and the imagination to constructively deal with situations. 
  • Attempting to apply with limited success but some, some things learned and posted about yesterday. James, life for you is ragingly waging your humanity. Do it man. Just do it. Find a way to do it. Every breath.
  • James, remember how miserable you were when you had cancer chemo treatment making you sick as hell, and how that misery lifted when you focused, refocused your attention on others who were suffering? Do that. 
  • James, imagine that you're being watched by children in palestine, the children on college campuses getting bludgeoned. How would you be acting in their presence? Would your focus be on them and not yourself? Use your imagination James. 
  • You see joy and peace impossibly on the faces of many in palestine. How do they do that james? Think about it. Imagine it. Learn from it.
Is James running now and hiding to escape? Yes. And no. 
  • Last night his plan had been to go 12 miles east to another Walmart. But it was on the Southeast edge of the city athens, and if he was evicted from there there was no decent backup plan. And cities are almost always more dangerous for us under any circumstances then more rural areas. 
  • So this morning at the last minute the plan changed, to go 30 miles north instead to an area where there are truck stops and a Walmart hence the backup plan if he gets evicted from one tonight. 
  • Is it cowardice? Is it hypothalamus taking charge and making us flee? Yes, to some degree. Is it prudence? Is he supposed to commit suicide here, or give himself a little bit of time to adjust? He doesn't know. He decided to go north. To where there is probably a little bit less risk. For now. Time to learn, time to adjust. 
  • By at least slightly fleeing north, is he betraying, abandoning, the children on the campuses, the people in palestine? I don't think so. But maybe a little. He is not the able leader that he would like to be, but he's doing his best, and he is not trying to totally escape, he's trying to get it back down to a more manageable level. 
Sweating blood southeast of atlanta. James

Ps. Hmmm. Jesus never to my knowledge directly confronted empire except when he flipped the tables. He did not campaign against empire specifically. James is doing so with the free Palestine signage and scarf. Was Jesus missing something, or is james? Jesus even counseled against confronting empire regarding paying taxes to caesar. And there were times that he fleed confrontation until he thought it was the right time. Upon Reflection the signs and scarf may come off now. It's just well beyond James capacity, his degree of difficulty. He probably needs to try and get his footing. It's dangerous enough without that signage. He can reconsider in a day, week, two weeks....

I suspect Jesus calculated that sowing the seeds and nurturing them of the kingdom of god, was strategically the threat to empire upon which he needed to focus. James needs to consider that....

And we're told that he told Peter to put away the sword, and again not to confront empire directly. And are we to Guess that the disciples fled despite what Jesus wanted, or is that what Jesus wanted? My guess is the latter. 

Which is to suggest that to a degree he was an intended to be clandestine. Under the radar. As much as possible.

So it would seem that Jesus decided that the best way to bring down empire was to spread the kingdom, recruiting disciples, under the radar. Hmmm.

Without question Jesus lived to replace empire with the kingdom of God thereby being an existential threat to empire. But he judged that direct confrontation was not the way to do that. Rather, sewing seeds, nurturing growing shoots, leavening the bread....

.... Yes, I've been mistaken. The best chance for any and every human being in every situation is that people become disciples. James must return his full focus to that now.