Disciple James log: That I am a poor disciple, maybe a good thing.

Warning: Everything but what moves you to discipleship of Jesus is destructive of your health. jesianity.info/search/label/Jesus

As often happens when I face plant, I seem to be stronger when I finally get up.

Today I have a new idea as a consequence of this Agony the last few days.

I need to know who I am. I need to know what I am. Maybe I should be able to create that out of nothing, and anyone would agree that I do not follow along with the herd. So I would have to create it out of nothing.

But I don't see why I should create it out of nothing. Not when there's someone like Jesus around.

And when I received a gift today, it seems like a big step forward. We'll see. 

Many times I experience taking a big step forward. And almost always they are. But that's different than now having everything I need. And up until now I have not. Pieces of the puzzle, but not the whole puzzle complete.

This may be a much more complete puzzle now, or not.

The gift? The comprehensive mental question, am I being a disciple that Delights jesus? That's a profoundly new question for me. 

I've been getting approximations, looking over at Jesus to see whether I'm delighting him or not. That was helpful. Putting different questions to Jesus to see if any of them seemed to be courses of action for me that would Delight him. That was helpful. But this may be much more compact, accessible, easy to implement, comprehensive. At any moment in time asking myself, and even looking to Jesus for an answer, is James being at disciple of Jesus in a way that Delights him just now?

Oh, and if someone else attempts seriously to be a disciple of Jesus, and I may know one or two on the cusp of this, if they find it a quick and easy path, wonderful. But that it is so difficult for me, three steps forward, two steps back, might be a good thing, because others that try and also don't find it easy, might find encouragement and some helpful ideas from my pitiful attempts.